Remembering My Brother 8 Years Later

Taken from Facebook

I usually write a blog post every year around June 30, the anniversary of Ralph’s death, I never take that blog lightly, putting a lot of thought into what I want to say.
This year I’m having a hard time articulating what I want to say, and I’ll probably skip the formal post. But I still have something to say.
I miss my brother. I miss him every day and in so many different ways. When I counted out the years on my fingers today, I was almost shocked to see that it’s been eight years.
I miss the fact that he got on my nerves. I miss saying “Oh really?” while inside I’m thinking, “Ok, wrap it up” I miss that imperfect relationship that I would never change.
I miss the family constellation that was complete before June 30, 2009. When there really were 6 of us, bound to an expectation of love and loyalty. And again, it was imperfect.
I miss that despite knowing that I’d spend the afternoon listening to Ralph snore, I spent nearly every Sunday at my mothers house, watching football. I miss wanting him to shut up. Because he was loud and annoying.
I miss knowing that I would always be his little sister, and have the necklace (and a bunch of other jewelry) to prove it. I miss his sincere gifts, like a Snuggie or an Avon watch, because he was always so excited to see what you thought. I always loved them, even if they never made it out of the box.
I miss my greatest supporter and knowing that he truly believed I could do or be anything. He was always so surprised by my struggles with myself.
I miss him because he was kind and good. I miss him because he is my brother

 

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