Just One Day

I took an online personality test last night and was labeled 88% anxious. My primary personality trait was not sensitive, assertive or reasoning. It was anxious. What the fuck has happened to my life?
The past two years have been a roller coaster of emotion, a never-ending quest for balance, a constant reminder that I’ve been slowly robbed of my ability to write. I’m tired.
I had a med adjustment this past week which has left me nervous, shaky and definitely left of center. I had to make the decision to ask for a reduction. I’m afraid.
Life hangs on a chemical balance. All those moods you have are really just a result of your brain firing the proper amount of neurotransmitter. When it works,  it works. It’s beautiful when it works.
I’m fighting biology right now. Hoping and praying that things will settle down. That daily walks will work. That engagement with friends will work. That maybe writing will work the way it used to.
If you are lucky enough to be chemically balanced, cherish it. Embrace the shit out of it. And try to remember that it’s a gift so many would kill to have.
I’m going to try to remember that this too shall pass. And I have people who love me. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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