What I’ll Never Miss

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Kick the Bucket.”

Nearly all of us have a bucket list; things we hope to accomplish or see in our lifetimes but have you ever taken the time to say, “Yeah….not for me. Don’t care. I’ll pass.”? Yes, you have. But, have you taken the time to make a list, just in case you lose the ability to speak or nod your head no just as someone gets ready to cart you off on an adventure that is their’s alone? I’d like to make a permanent record of things I’ll never miss in the off chance I’m rendered speechless and you have some great idea that you are positive I’d love to partake in.

1. Travel to the North Pole: Please, please do not EVER think I’d love to join you on a trip to the North Pole. Yes, I love Santa and if Rudolph would like to come visit me at home, that would be fine. But I despise the cold. I would never willingly pay money and travel to a place where I am forced to wear 14 layers of clothes and fight the elements all in the name of adventure. I’m not that adventurous. (P.S. Please apply to the South Pole also)

2. Go Skiing: In the same vein of traveling to the North Pole, don’t ever invite me to go skiing. There is almost nothing less appealing than the idea of whipping down a mountain in the cold on 2 thin pieces of steel. I could fall and break a hip. I could look like an ass. I could get colder than I want to. No. I do not want to go skiing.

3. Get a tattoo: I have no interest in a tattoo. I realize people choose to have ink injected under their skin to permanently memorialize a variety of things. I’ll admit, I do think my feelings on this stem from a generational place, although many of my contemporaries disagree. I’m also a bit of a sexist on the topic. Males don’t bother me but I still appreciate the beauty of unmarked skin on a woman, At the end of the day, my decision was made many years ago in my twenties when I contemplated getting Grateful Dead Dancing Bears tattooed around my ankle. And then I had a premonition of sagging Dancing Bears hanging on stretched out, overweight ankles when I was 70 and it cured me quickly. So, no tattoos for me.

4. Interact with a bird: Short story…..birds of any kind freak me out. I can appreciate their beauty from afar but I do not want to be in a situation where a bird may possible sit on my shoulder or swoop past my head. In the off chance that you own a bird, bypass me on your invite list to any occasion that is held in the same area as aforementioned bird.

5. Watch baseball: This one is a controversial one because my son loves and plays the game. I, on the other hand, do not. I love that my son loves the game and feel this should be enough. I should be allowed to love it vicariously through him from the comfort of my home while he is out on the field, loving it. (Note: I do actually attend the games. I drop him off, go home, hang out, loving it from my couch, then return mid-game, yelling enthusiastically, “Go Max!!”). I’m not a monster.

6. See any Star Wars Movie: No. Just no. I shouldn’t have to explain myself.

7. Go to a party where I know no one: I am an introvert. Introverts are notoriously misunderstood and their aversion to interacting with large groups of people in social situations is often mistaken as arrogance, low self esteem or extreme neediness. We tend to cling to the one person we know because we hate small talk, not because we lack social skills. I’ve gotten much better at the small talk thing but would still probably score a 4 out of 10 if I was being tested. I’m okay not having a lot of ancillary relationships. I don’t need to feel like I know everyone. I need about 5 meaningful relationships in my life. And parties where I have to pretend to care what people are talking about are mentally and physically draining. I’d rather run a half marathon.

8. Being politically correct: Yeah….I pretty much suck at the politically correct thing. I will always choose honesty over a carefully worded response. Because, honestly, life is too short to waste your time worrying about how others will react to your words. People will respond however they choose and you have absolutely no control over this, NONE. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me when I’m misunderstood because it bothers me greatly. But I don’t take back the things I say. Because I meant them.

9. Reading War and Peace: I can live my whole life without ever reading War and Peace and know that I lived a full life. Partially because, I don’t even know what it’s about, other than war and possibly, peace.

10. Dying my hair: I hope to never have to dye my hair. I hope that I have enough faith in myself that I never feel the need to alter the ever changing shades of red that I have been blessed with in my life. When I was about 14, my cousin’s husband told me that one day I would be thankful for that thick, wild mane of hair that I’d spent my entire life fighting. And, I’ll be honest, I thought he was possibly a pervert who was into young girls. When I turned 16, around the time Molly Ringwald hit the scene, it all came together and I realized I was truly given a gift. No hair color will ever do the nuances of my hair justice. So, as I watch the red slowly turn to a blondish grey, I hope I can embrace the time I had with my fiery locks and bow out gracefully.

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