I am a firm believer in owning your shit. By shit, I mean all those less than stellar qualities about yourself that maybe you should change but inherently make you who you are. I’ll be honest…I’ve grown into this philosophy of life quite rapidly over the past few years and while, it may not make me the most likable person on the planet, it’s freeing and liberating and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think it’s hard to own your shit. Who really wants to stand there and say, “I can be a real asshole when I think it’s called for.” But I can say that about myself because I also firmly know that I can be compassionate, empathetic, fun and thoughtful too.
I think owning your shit is really about embracing the dichotomy in yourself. And I think that’s a process. I believe you’ve got to come to terms with some really uncomfortable realities about yourself. You’ve got to be able to look at every experience, even those terribly cringeworthy ones with no regrets. You’ve got to believe you are doing the best with what you have at the time. Because, quite honestly, I think there are times when being an asshole is called for. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times when its wrong and unacceptable but sometimes…you gotta do whatcha gotta do.
I can say with great confidence that I see the dichotomy in myself very clearly, live in it fully and own every moment of it. I think owning it is being real. It’s actually living. It’s a way of saying, “You know what? This sucks and I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t to make you feel better. Because if I want to be real and true and authentic, I’m going to live in my truth and you are probably going to hear about it.” And I’ll seldom say I’m sorry because I said it because I meant it.
I think we spend too much time worrying about what other people think. You could literally die tomorrow and have spent more time worried about how others perceive you than if you lived your live with integrity. Long story short…own your shit.
At this point, since I’m owning my shit (which is specifically that I can be a little too upfront at times, moody and have great difficulty hiding my complete disdain for lack of common sense or people’s inability to own their shit), I’ll also say some good things about myself (it is my blog you know…).
I am strong, smart, witty, thoughtful and empathetic. Now, those of you who have met the wrath of Carol maybe saying “Whaaa???” on some level. I can be intimidating. I know that. But I have incredible empathy for people….provided they are doing the best they can with what they have or know (see, another dichotomy).
But for every annoyed, in your face encounter with me, you are probably going to be able to remember a time I made you laugh, helped you talk it out, stood up for you when you couldn’t do it yourself or actually cried when you didn’t have it in you to cry for yourself (yes….I actually do that). My friends are my friends for life. I don’t walk away from people or responsibility. But I can be a bitch too.
Honestly, I wish more people were like me. I wish I didn’t feel like I was rocking the boat by being real. Because, no one is going to tell me that these social norms and rules out there are making people more psychologically healthy. If I’m afraid to tell you how I feel because it could potentially hurt your feelings, who is actually getting hurt? In my opinion, the answer is, both of us. Because we are just dancing around issues that we may both have feelings about all in the name of social etiquette. And who is going to suffer more from avoiding the issue? The answer, again, is both of us. Because we aren’t really living. We are just going through the motions.
At this point, I’d like to say, this is a bit of a ramble that has played over and over in my mind multiple times over the past few years. I’m sure I’ve written about it in a variety of ways. But this time, I really just wanted to write a blog called “Owning Your Shit.” So I did. And I do.